INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

raging_ritch

someone once told me that i write too way too much that most of the trash in my bin is composed of papers with scribblings on it. i do admit that i am guilty of it.

but that someone further commented, "sulat ka ng sulat ayaw mo namang ipabasa. (you keep on writing but you won't allow us to read them.)" 

 i replied in a bit irritated tone, "eh masaya nga akong nagsusulat eh. pakialam mo. sa masaya na ako na ako lang ang nagbabasa. (writing makes me happy. why do you give a damn. i am happy enough that i alone read them.)

she further argued: "in that case, para kang nag-mamasturbate. ikaw lang ang nakakaalam, ikaw lang nag-eenjoy. (in that case, it is as if you are masturbating. you are the only one enjoying from it.)

with those words, i was speechless. i never thought that someone would be that bold to tell me that in front of my very face.

that is the reason why i decided to use the term "INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION" because i am happy and contented whenever i complete a composition. its way more than orgasmic---say euphoric. well, if dont get to finish my composition, i tend to get irrate or lazy or whatever. just like masturbation i do it alone. i write when i am alone. i think a lot when i am alone. and i pleasure myself with lots of ideas here and there then put them in writing. most of my compositions were written when i was alone in my own little world inside my head. i get to use my head or my brains rather.

it is a pretty good exercise for my head (up here not down there) and my hands... it give me pleasure... just like masturbation...

WELCOME TO MY INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATIONS!!!!

raging_ritch

"Mabigat na ang daigdig na pasan ko...

Ayaw kong pati ikaw ay papasan sa mabigat na daigdig ko...

tama na ako na lang ang pumasan ng bigat nito...."

kayo po ay tumuloy sa aking mundo...

magulo... tahimik...  

masaya....malungkot...

puno ng galit....umaapaw na pagmamahal....  

mag-isa... may kasalo...

PAUNAWA: "Bago niyo ako husgahan gamit ang inyong mapanuring mga mata... subukan niyo muna akong intindihin... subukan niyo muna akong mahalin buong puso... "

NARANASAN NIYO NA BA ANG MGA NARANASAN KO?

raging_ritch

2:05 AM, August 5, 2009-Intramuros, Manila

"Who is Cory Aquino?" a teacher from North Fairview onced asked her students. The answer she got from one of her students was,"she is the mother of Kris Aquino."   

Then I began to think, how well do I know Corazon C. Aquino, the 11th President of my beloved country. I know i cannot answer that definitely. I had to come up with valid reasons to have a good excuse as to why I do not have a good picture of this first female president. I reasoned that i was only 7months old when she was sworn into office after the Edsa People Power and by the time she stepped down from office, i was busy playing like most 7-year olds.

I observed parents who brought their teens and pre-teens to pay their last respect to Tita Cory. Along the way, their mom gave bits of information regarding the Cory. I was moved by the gesture of giving importance to the role Cory has played in our politics. Like myself, these youngsters have limited idea of who Tita Cory is.

As we fell in line several blocks away from the Manila Cathedral, I noticed foreign nationals wearing "Salamat President Cory 1933-2009" shirts  complete with yellow ribbons on their chest or arms. I was amazed on how these foreigners' gesture to acknowledge what she has done for the Philippines and yet this generation of Filipinos, myself included, barely have a good idea of what she has done and what she stood for.

The rain poured hard and the throng of people began to soak but people patiently waited for their few seconds to have a glimpse of Cory.  As we get closer to the Manila Cathedral, people started chanting "Cory" repeatedly lasting for minutes.This must have been how it felt during the Edsa People Power. I could only guess. I could only imagine.


I stood in line for more than 7 hours just to have my 10-second viewing privilege of the "Philippine's Beacon of Democracy". Those few seconds gave me an experience I would never forget and always cherish. I may not have been in the People Power 1 where she lead the nation in toppling the Marcos Regime. I may not have been in Edsa Dos where she once again proved her charisma nor have I been there when barely 4 years after, she called on PGMA to resign from office.  The experience in totality is the closest thing I could get to experience the charisma and magic of Cory Aquino, my first and last close encounter with the Filipino who proved that  Filipino pride is more than a 12-round boxing bout and  numerous title belts.

                                               Salamat po, President Cory. 

raging_ritch

I am a full-blooded ilocano. And for most of us from the Ilocandia, we are very much familiar with "Marcos".  I remember my relative saying, "it is the Republic of Ilocos because according to him, there was no representative of Ilocos in the 1987 Constitution Assembly". Everything Marcos was something better in comparison to the successors. You would still hear old folks say, "awan data ah di panaoen ni Macoy" (nothing compares to the Marcos' time). Like a true blue Ilocano, i have to agree that most books or literature shows the good side of the Marcoses.

If you ask me way back in grade school, all i know about the famous People Power Revolt is that the color that reigned is yellow, roses were given to the military, and that it was the reason why the Marcoses was forced out of office. I never tried to understand with my young mind how and why it happened because to me, Marcos was the great Ilocano leader.

When I entered the school publications, i learned to look at all sides of the story. Only then did I realize  that there is a great story behind Cory Aquino and the People Power. By 2000, another People Power happened. And still, there was the "usual suspects" Cardinal Sin, Cory Aquino and Fidel Ramos. I thought at that time that the EDSA Dos is the way of the current generation to feel what it felt like during the first People Revolution. It somehow felt good.

In order to understand EDSA Dos, i have to understand the first and original EDSA. I realized that the first EDSA would set the bar of peaceful revolts across the globe. It was a plain homemaker, a grieving wife, that made history and became the symbol of freedom and democracy. Who would have thought that Cory Aquino is a tough woman inside. She withstood the coups and all the criticisms. And she was still there when the EDSA dos happened.

Cory Aquino is a leader. She proved it many times over the years even after her term ended in 1992.  Both EDSA Revolts she was there calling on all the Filipino people to stand up for what they believed in. However, what i admired most is when Cory admitted that EDSA Dos was somehow a mistake and then called upon the resignation of President Arroyo. That gesture may not have been as charismatic as both EDSA Revolts but then again the magic is still there. There are still people who follow her lead.

Today, as i write this, this is my own personal way of having to admit that i have been biased and had a close mind when it comes to the Marcos vs. Aquino presidencies. Today, I vocally admit that Cory is a great leader and that what she has done for the country managed to force us to move into action. Today, people continue to flock to La Salle Greenhills to get a glimpse of Cory. People pay their last respect to the woman who gave back to the Filipino people the freedom, democracy and the pride of being a Filipino. The whole world mourns with the Filipino People. Up to her death, THE MAGIC THAT IS CORY lives on.

raging_ritch

i want a light feeling... how do i get there?

after a few days of rollercoaster emotions, i feel so exhausted and consumed. i want this feeling to go... i want to let it go... i am not holding on to it in any longer for i will burst into something that i know i will be scared of... today, i will let go of these negative emotions... i will free a space and make way for better ones... i want a good life... and by letting go of those not helping, i will be able to soar...

i will shout everything in the heavens.. and then leave it there...

raging_ritch

it has been said that those who follow the crowd eventually got lost in them.

i now agree...

of the very many paths that was in front of me, i chose the beaten path.

the easy way

the challengeless road

the one that offered in plain sight of what was ahead

it was fun.

all laughter and shit

but then the it was replaced by boredom

the thrill was gone

everyone became just another face in the crowd

drowning in a sea of faces

alone

sad

purposeless

wake up

shake up

it s time to put

get back on a journey of my own

my own pace

my own road

my own cuts and bruises

my own way

my own

i know that i am lost

i do not know where i might be heading

one thing i know for sure

i am not staying in place...

i'll be moving on soon...

i gotta be...

raging_ritch

eto na naman tayo sa usapin ng SONA at ng pananagalog...

para san nga ba naman ang SONA? hindi ba't para ito sa pagrereport mo na kung anumang kabutihan ang ginawa mo sa nagdaang taon, kung meron man.. hindi ba't sinabing STATE OF THE NATION o sa tagalog kalagayan ng ating bayan kaya naman sa taong bayan ka makikipagusap hindi ba?? eh bakit hindi ka magtagalog para mas naiintindihan ka ng mga tao... nasa pilipinas ka, sa kapwa mo pilipino ka makikipag-usap, ba't di ka magtagalog...

kung ang rason mo eh yung mga diplomats kaya ka nag-iingles, eh hayaan mo silang mamoblema kasi sa bayan ka nagrereport hindi sa kanila... pwede ka namang isubtitle ng mga reporter na banyaga eh... ano ba mas gusto mo maintindihan ka ng bayan o ng mga dayuhan.... mamili ka...

ayan nasa pagtatagalog na rin lang tayo, meron pelikula sa cinemalaya na ang titulo ay "my fake american accent" hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang kwento dahil di ko pa ito napapanood... pero, sa naglipanang call centers ngayon, hindi na ako magtataka kung maraming  "may accent"... pati pananagalog nilagyan ng accent... pwe...

ah... siguro kaya pati sa miss universe, miss world at kung ano ano pa, walang nanalong pilipina kasi pilit silang nag-eenglish kahit hirap na silang iexpress ang kanilang sarili... pwede namang magdala ng interpreter sa ganitong mga patimpalak.. bakit ang mga latin countries hindi sila nahihiyang magdala ng interpreter... kasi sa wika nila sila mas nakakapag-express... kaya naman kahit na ang buong mundo ay hindi sila maintindihan, wika pa din nila ginagamit nila pero kung tutuusin, halos taon taon din naman silang nasa top 10, 15, 20... hindi kulelat...

ayan si miss san miguel, magdala na lang siya ng interpreter para baka manalo pa siya.. siya kaunaunahang binibini na nagdala ng interpreter... at nanalo... malay natin...

oo english speaking nation tayo, kaya natin magdala ng english conversation pero, ang vocabulary ba natin eh kasing lawak ng mga bansang ang mother tongue eh english???

ang ganang akin lang, mag-english ka basta naiintindihan ka at di ka nagmumukhang tanga... mag-english ka basta kaya mong i-express ang message mo sa tao... mag-english ka bahala ka, pero kung di mo kayang panindigan, magtagalog ka na lang... hindi naman masama ang magtagalog... sa tagalog o ilocano o cebuano o chavacano, kung saan ka mas maiintindihan, dun ka... kesa magmukha kang ewan at katawa-tawa...

raging_ritch

after the rain, came the storm...

i am drowning... where are you sunlight?