INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

Noong lingo ay dapat kaming manood ni *bleep* ng mall tour ni Tuesday!

At ganito ang nangyari:

tinext ko siya ng ganito:

“good morning sunshine! Mwaah… how was your nyt? Mine’s pretty gud… wanna go out? And2 daw si Tuesday! Noodn natin c Tuesday sa sm hanggang 5… Ehehehehe…”

maya-maya nagbeep ang phone ko… excited kong binasa ang text ko… nung una ay hindi ko pa napansin na si meroko ang nagreply… napagtanto ko na lang ang aking natext nung nabasa ko yung salitang “darling,” hindi niya ako tinatawag na darling… ehehehehehe…

pucha! WRONG SENT!

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maulan na nung ako ay nakarating sa sm,,, ang lamig… 3 layers na suot ko… nampucha ang lamig…

habang naghihintay sa sm… nagtext uli ako kay *bleep* na magkita na lang kami doon sa upuan… namin sa simbahan… maya-maya pa ay nagreply siya:

“tinatamad na me labas. Lakas ulan eh...kung gusto mo daan ka na lang dito sa haus. Pagkatapos ni Tuesday.”

Alam ko medyo nagtampo siya… ewan ko kutob ko lang… pero nabanggit ko na sa kanya na naimbita ko si meroko .. pero alangan naman iwan ko si meroko eh isa yan sa mga pinkamalapit at pinakamalupit kong kaibigan na courtesy ng White and Blue….

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nakatayo kami.. kasama si rhyming wordz na dumating galling previsit para kunin ang kanayang aklat mula sa akin…. Nilalamig na ako at nangangalay na ako sa pagkakatayo ng kulang kulang isang oras….

Ayaw ko nang tumayo… guato ko nang umupo at pumasok na sa bench area na para lang sa mga bumili ng cd ni Tuesday!

Tama na! humiram na ako ng pera kay meroko para makanili ng cd at nang makaupo na rin ako, kami… medyo matagal pa bago dumating si Tuesday… pinagpupustahan nga naming kung san siya lalabas… iniisip namin ang mga hindi inaasahan… tipong nakaharness siya at bumababa mula sa ituktok ng elevator shaft… at kung ano ano pa…

Dumating na din ang pinakahihintay naming… unang dating pa lang niya eh patawa na… enjoy ako sa mga kabalbalan na ginawa niaya… ASTIG!!!! Sumasakit na ang aking panga kakatawa… nakalimutan ko nga na 3 major exams ang aking kailangan tapusing reviewhin … dinaig pa niya ang buong cast ng yes,yes show na pinagsama-sama… pucha… one-woman show… ehehehehehe…

Natapos na din ang show at ang autograph signing… napagdesisyunan ko na dumaan muna sa abanao square para bumili ng food… at ng peace offering ko na isang long stem na rose…

Sumaglit lang ako sa kanila… siguro sabihin na natin nga mga 45minutes to one hour… kasi noong dumating ako sa bahay ay tanging ina na… at sadyangpinanood ko naman si Tuesday doon… ehehehehehe…

Ang hirap talaga manligaw… kailangan mamuhunan… pero hindi ako nagrereklamo… nagsasaad lang ako ng isang kato

sana malapit na... pero aaminin ko... medyo nahihirapan ako pero... i love the challenge...

I am an admitted hopeless romantic… and I do not know why…

Well.. I asked for that final sign … out of the four signs I asked, two were answered as I wished them to be… now for the last sign of approval, I have been praying that whatever happens, I will stick to my word…. If this will be granted, I will pursue courting her… but if this fails… I will stop… its over… well, what did I ask for as my last sign? I asked that I will be able to see my chances and what is going on in her heart…

So it was on that one evening last week when I have had a nice little talk with some of my friends (she was included..) but during that night, the chat was a bit modified for additional fun… one person was given the chance to be in what we called HOT SEAT… everyone has the chance to ask the person in the Hot seat with a single question…

I was a bit uneasy that night… I felt uncomfortable… I can’t think of any question for anyone… I remained silent that night.. I never asked a single question… I said to myself that I am just a listener tonight… no more no less… I even wanted to forego my chance to be in the hot seat like what I did with the questions…

Then it was her turn… I can’t look straight into her eyes… I can’t even look at anyone… I was hiding my face under my hat… I was not yet even intoxicated but I can feel blood rush into my face… I really felt warm…

Questions after questions… and she answered them straight… or at least she tried to…

They asked her about her other suitor…

I was then really uneasy…

She answered… “we are just friends….”

Whew!!!! Sigh of relief… but I remained silent…

Then a follow up question came up… Why?

She answered that they discussed it over that they better remain as friends…

Then another follow up… then if he courts you again … what will be his chance… over ten..

She answered seven…

I was trying to hide the hurt … I just smiled whenever our common friend looked at me…

What about your crushes??

Then she named him and told everyone that she is texting him… I felt safe when I knew that he was already taken… at least I only have one person as my “opponent”. But she never text me if I do not text her… why????

But then when they asked her with the last two questions… I really felt bad… I really wanted to walk out of that room… I really do but my manners held me back…

May nanliligaw ba sa iyo?

She answered… wala! Without blinking…

Oh shit… that may be my sign… she is not for me.. and maybe I am not for her…

I never talked to her the next day… I admit… I was painful to be denied in front of the group…


So I may have assumed… but I am glad that that night happened…a t least now I know where I stand…

Then when the group was taking a walk the next morning, I walked behind the group.. I wanna reflect on what happened that night…

Then I began to pace with them until I was just a few meters away from her and our common friend…

I heard our friend asked her… “why did you not tell the truth about last night?”

“what abour last night ,” she asked.

Our friend replied… “about your suitors…”

I stopped… I walked back… a few meters… I don’t wanna know the reason… it is enough that I know that according to her she has no suitors.

Then when we were on our way home… I saw something familiar peeking out of her backpack… I had to go near to clearly see if it was really it… and I was not mistaken… the small backpack I bought her for her birthday…

I just smiled… said to myself… at least I saw that she did not throw away those gifts…

I stopped until I was satisfied with the distance between us… and then I called to one of my friends…

“hey wait up!”

then four of them turned to check who I was calling…

when I got to her… I told her… “I am glad we are going home…”

she looked at me puzzled… but managed a forced smile…

***
I never thought that it would be over before it would even begin…

"Mabigat na ang daigdig na pasan ko...

Ayaw kong pati ikaw ay papasan sa mabigat na daigdig ko...

tama na ako na lang ang pumasan ng bigat nito...."

kayo po ay tumuloy sa aking mundo...

magulo... tahimik...  

masaya....malungkot...

puno ng galit....umaapaw na pagmamahal....  

mag-isa... may kasalo...

PAUNAWA: "Bago niyo ako husgahan gamit ang inyong mapanuring mga mata... subukan niyo muna akong intindihin... subukan niyo muna akong mahalin buong puso... "

NARANASAN NIYO NA BA ANG MGA NARANASAN KO?

noong nakaraang sabado... pagpatak ng alas 0nse... tititititit... tumunog ang aking cellphone...

"TOL PUNTA KA NA DITO!" yan ang mga katagang aking nabasa...

iniwan ko ang acquaintance party ng aming colegio at at ako ay sumakay sa isang taxi... sa loob ng taxi... ano ba itong aking nararamdaman... medyo kinakabahan dahil balitang talamak ang holp-up sa lugar nila... pero masaya kasi matapos ang ilang taon, ngayon lang uli kami magkikita ng aking mga kabarkada...

"MANONG PARA! LUMAGPAS NA AKO!" nilingon ko ang bahay na dapat kong babaan... whew... sa tagal kong hindi naligaw sa bandang ito ng baguio, ay nakalimutan ko na ang pumunta doon sa kanila kapag gabi...

baba ako ng taxi... pasok sa gate nila... at sabay text sa kanila na andito na ako sa labas ng bahay niyo...

ipinagbuksan naman ako agad... napangiti ako ...

****

sige, ubusin na natin itong bailey's... pero habang inuubos natin yan eh maglaro tayo ng hot seat... bawat isa ay may tanong para sa taong nasa hotseat...

tugdug..tugdug... palakas ng palakas... tugdug...tugdug... kumakabog na ang didbdib ko... alam ko na yung mga itatanong nila... tungkol sa "kanya"..
***

halos hindi na namin namalayan ang oras... umaga na... parang bitin... pero ganyan talaga ang buhay.... sa sususnod uli...

kung may natututnan man ako noong gabing iyon...

ANG MGA KAIBIGAN KO AY MANANATILING BAHAGI NG AKING BUHAY... SILA ANG ORIG... SILA ANG TUNAY NA KAKAKILALA SA AKIN... ALAM NILA KUNG SINO ANG TUNAY NA RITCHER... SA KANILA KAYA KONG MAGING SI RITCHER NA MALOKO... GAGO... SERYOSO... BALIW... KUYA...BAD INFLUENCE... TOMADOR...

SALAMAT SA INYO... DAHIL SA INYO, LUMALABAS ANG PAGIGING "FREE-THINKER" KO... MGA TOL... MAHAL KO KAYO!!!!

MGA TOL, SA october 9, ITS A DATE SA BAHAY NAMIN... MAGPAKASAYA TAYO... MAGSAWA SA ALAK AT KWENTUHAN.... HANGGANG SA MULI...

well... i have a question... i have asked a lot of people the same question...

WHO IS WORTH LOVING?

THE ONE YOU LOVE?

OR

THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU?

*****

well last night... i miss called a friend i failed to see yesterday afternoon..

she replied...

"Bakit friendship?"

i answered, "wala lang... naisip lang kita... i have been thinking of you lately since last saturday... ano ba kasi ang ginawa mo sa akin at napapaisip mo ako ng ganito...?

"hahahahaha... wala no... pero thank you... alam mo kanina hinahanap kita pero hindi kita nakita..."

"kita mo na... ang daya di ba... wala kang ginagawa pero naiisip kita... pero salamat na rin at hinanap mo ako kanina..."

"oo nga eh... late na ako pero hinanap pa rin kita... kaso talgang wala ka... sana magkita na tayo bukas.... miss na kita eh... patingin na rin ako nung picture ko na kinunan mo..."

"sigurado bukas magkikita na tayo... 1 ang klase mo di ba?... sige dadalhin ko..."

"thanks... sige mag-aral ka na... bukas na lang tayo kita... good night... mwah..."

"o sige... aral ka na rin... tapos have a good night rest.... nytnyt... mwah..."

****

hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron.. pero masaya ako mula noong nakita ko siyang sumayaw sa stage noong saturday night... i have never seen her so beautiful... i have been asking myself why did i not realize that a few months earlier...

****

here's more... we will go out soon... during the semestral break... we will most likely spend the break together.. a good chance for bonding...

MA. DESIREE HOPE, you get me more interested in you...

see you later...

yes... i will become a father for a week... my nephew will be left under our care for the next few days...

i hope i can the challenge of being one

Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing.
You want people to shape up, and you nag. But
you mean well, and you're well loved despite
it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts
even as you tell people to eat more veggies.


Which ArchAngel are you most like?
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