INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

a few days ago, while i was writing my previous entry, she was on her way...

she's gone....

i cried when they told me the news...

i never expected that she will be gone soon...

but that is life... una-unahan lang... at nauna na siya...

i remember back in high school... she always drops by our lace just to check on marvin...

when i visit their place, she always make feel at ease... makwento si lola... mabait... at mahilig sa telenovela..... naalala ko pa na umiyak siya noong namatay si rico yan... habang pinanonood niya ang televised na libing eh umiyak siya...

ma-mimiss ko siya... pati yung mga luto niya...

paalam... hanggang sa muli... at maraming salamat...

IN LOVING MEMORY OF

Ma. CONSUELO T. MEJIA
1926-2004

i have heard about this young lady when she won in Uk.... well, from then on i became a fan... i love her works...

especially this speech of hers...

A Borderless World
by Patricia Evangelista (winner of the International Public Speaking Competition, hosted by the English Speaking Union and proud Filipino!)

WHEN I was little, I wanted what many Filipino children all over the country wanted. I wanted to be blond, blue-eyed and white.

I thought – if I just wished hard enough and was good enough, I’d wake up on Christmas morning with snow outside my window and freckles across my nose!

More than four centuries under western domination can do that to you. I have 16 cousins. In a couple of years, there will just be five of us left in the Philippines, the rest will have gone abroad in search of “greener pastures.” It’s not an anomaly; it’s a trend; the Filipino diaspora. Today, about eight million Filipinos are scattered around the world.

There are those who disapprove of Filipinos who choose to leave. I used to. Maybe this is a natural reaction of someone who was left behind, smiling for family pictures that get emptier with each succeeding year. Desertion, I called it. My country is a land that has perpetually fought for the freedom to be itself. Our heroes offered their lives in the struggle against the Spanish, the Japanese, the Americans. To pack up and deny that identity is tantamount to spitting on that sacrifice.

Or is it? I don’t think so. Not anymore.

True, there is no denying this phenomenon, aided by the fact that what was once the other side of the world is now a 12-hour plane ride away. But this is a borderless world, where no individual can claim to be purely from where he is now. My mother is of Chinese descent, my father is a quarter Spanish, and I call myself a pure Filipino – a hybrid of sorts resulting from a combination of cultures.

Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world. In as much as this blessed spot that is England is the world, so is my neighborhood back home.

Seen this way, the Filipino Diaspora, or any sort of dispersal of populations, is not as ominous as so many claim. It must be understood. I come from a Third World country, one that is still trying mightily to get back on its feet after many years of dictatorship. But we shall make it, given more time. Especially now, when we have thousands of eager young minds who graduate from college every year. They have skills. They need jobs. We cannot absorb them all.

A borderless world presents a bigger opportunity, yet one that is not so much abandonment but an extension of identity. Even as we take, we give back. We are the 40,000 skilled nurses who support the United Kingdom’s National Health Service. We are the quarter-of-a-million seafarers manning most of the world’s commercial ships. We are your software engineers in Ireland, your construction workers in the Middle East, your doctors and caregivers in North America, and, your musical artists in London’s West End.

Nationalism isn’t bound by time or place. People from other nations migrate to create new nations, yet still remain essentially who they are. British society is itself an example of a multi-cultural nation, a melting pot of races, religions, arts and cultures. We are, indeed, in a borderless world!

Leaving sometimes isn’t a matter of choice. It’s coming back that is. The Hobbits of the shire traveled all over Middle-Earth, but they chose to come home, richer in every sense of the word. We call people like these balikbayans or the “returnees” – those who followed their dream, yet choose to return and share their mature talents and good fortune.

In a few years, I may take advantage of whatever opportunities that come my way. But I will come home. A borderless world doesn’t preclude the idea of a home. I’m a Filipino, and I’ll always be one. It isn’t about geography; it isn’t about boundaries. It’s about giving back to the country that shaped me.

And that’s going to be more important to me than seeing snow outside my window on a bright Christmas morning.

Mabuhay and thank you.

hindi ko alam pero sa tingin ko maganda ang series na ito... hindi lang dahil sa ito ay ididirehe ni chito rono, ang special effects pa ay maganda... at siguro nga kaya ko pinapanood ito ay dahil naibigan ko ang spirit warriors at spirit warriors: the shortcut... balita ko kasi eh prequel daw ito nung mga nabanggit kong pelikula... astig... parang si superman may smallville... ehehehehe.. anlayo ng comparison pero parang ganun na nga...

i was on my way to my second period this morning....

i was schocked when stephen (a classmate of mine)said "nakakatakot ka pala!"

"bakit naman daw?"

"kasi napanaginipan kita kagabi..." he replied.

"talaga?! hanep sikat ako."

"alam mo takot na takot ako dun sa panaginip ko. kasi pinagbabaril mo daw yung mga lalaki..." he continued.

"ikaw ano ginawa ko sa iyo?"

"wala pero takot na takot ako. hindi ko nga sila kilala pero talagang nakakatakot ka."

***

i was thinking about it... was i pro9jecting to everyone that i can kill a man? i have heard a lot about me being bossy and all but never the man who could kill... or maybe, it's my alterego?

questions came rushing to my head... a classmate of mine... not even a close one would dream of me... and in his dream i killed them and i scared him... well, i leave that to psychology to understand...

***

shit... i have on ly fifteen minutes before my quiz... bwisit na internet!!!

mga tagasunod ng SLAPSHOCK marahil ay makakaugnay sa aking sasabihin...

ang bagong album nilang ito ang aking paborito at salamat kay beverly at niregaluhan niya ako ng slapshock...

sadyang ako ay nagandahan sa mga awitin na napapaloob dito...

ako ay nanonood ng TV Patrol World kagabi... the usual night routine of mine... but last night was different... it was something that i did not expect...


ikinagulat ko ang mga sama ng loob ni ms. susan roces... ako man, na tagsubaybay ng istastyon ay umaamin na may tendencies ang abs cbn na pumanig... gayun pa man ay gusto ko pa rin dito...

ang maalala ko lang na mahilig sa below the belt na pagtira ay si erwein tulfo... lalo na noong kampanya... maka-gma kasi (obvious) ang abs cbn...

at nung mamatay si fpj ay meron silang ala-tribute... ang kapansin pansin dito ay yung huling mga linya ng ad, "Kaibigan.Kapamilya"... na kung tutuusin ay sadyang hindi nga naman napapanahon... kasi nilaglag nila si fpj noong kampanya...

PERO... Saludo pa rin ako sa TV PATROL WORLD sapagkat hindi nila pinutol yung interview... Saludo din ako kay Karen Davila dahil kahit siya ang tumanggap ng mga sama ng loob ni ms. susan ay kinaya pa rin niyang tapusin ng maayos ang interview...

isang "IN YOUR FACE" ang interview iyon ng TV PATROL WOrld...


Ngunit ang kanilang pagtayo at i-broadcast sa buong Pilipinas at sa Buong TFC, ay isang paninindigan na itama ang kamalian... Hinarap nila ito ng buong tapang...

well, it was an uninteded meeting with mr. domar alviar of adamson university...

almost 1 pm this afternoon.. well, i decided to copy my files from the office... a few minutes later, someone knocked at the white and blue office... he introduced himself to be from the adamson and he was asking me if he could have some of our previous copies... well i said sure... then we talked about white and blue...

he took some photos... our february issue cover & one of our paintings...

now i envy adamson... i envy them because their campus paper is supported by the administration... the writers have scholars... i admired his words when he said... "kahit mawala na yung admin paper, huwag lang yung student paper"

wow!!!! super wow!!! i hope slu admin will do such... i mean, give an all out support for our campus paper... since we do not have any incentives...

he also said, comparing white and blue with their paper, white and blue is already mild, and it can be an admin paper... "sa amin binibira na kami pero sinusuportahan pa rin namin sila"

NAIINGIT NA AKO!!!!

well, mahaba yung pinag-usapan namin pero ang bottomline...

THEIR SCHOOL ADMIN SUPPORTS THEIR SCHOOL PAPER REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE STUDENT PAPER WRITES FOR AND AGAINST THEIR ADMIN.... AND THE CAMPUS PAPER DOES NOT NEED ANY ADVISER...

now that is what i call STUDENT PAPER!!!!

hindi man tahasang ipinamukha sa akin....

matapos kong makatanggap ng purpose driven life as a present... parang gusto kong matakot para sa sarili ko... pero at least naramdaman ko yung concern...

tanong ko lang...

BAKIT KAPAG MAY OKASYON, ANG LAGI KONG NATATANGGAP NA KADALASANG REGALO AY MGA CHRISTIAN BOOKS, ROSARY, ETC...???


Bakit?????

siguro nga ay senyales na ito mula sa Itaas na ako ay nalilihis na sa landas sapagkat pati ang mga taong malapit sa akin ay pasimple nang nagsasabi ng "AYUSIN MO ANG BUHAY MO... KAMI ANG NAGUGULUHAN PARA SA IYO..."

merry christmas
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hindi ko pinangarap na dumating ang araw na ito sapagkat alam kong kailangan kong pumunta sa isang family reunion...

family reunion... ano kaya ang silbi nito kung dito ay magkakailangan lang kayo at mag-iiwasan sapagkat hindi mo maiwasan makita ang mga taong ayaw mong makita... yan ang ayaw ko sa family reunions...

ngayong araw na ito, akala ko makikita ko uli yung taong mahilig manghiram at hindi marunong magsauli ng mga hiniram... ayaw ko rin makita yung taong wala nang ginawa kundi purihin ang sariling mga anak at sarili na animo'y sila ang pinakamadudunong...

sabi ko, pasko... bakit hindi subukang maging mabuting tao at maging tunay na kapamilya... hindi naman siguro mahirap gawin iyon...

pero... nagkamali ako... isa pala itong no-show na family reunion... hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nangyari at ayaw ko nang malaman pa dahil sigurado akong magbibitiw lamang ako ng hindi magandang pahayag...

simple kung ito man ay ituring ngunit ito ay isang masayang araw para sa akin... kaunti nga kami pero nagkaroon naman ng tunay na bonding...

nagkaroon kami ng movie marathon as a family... kasama ko yung aking pamilya, pamilya ni ate mafaye, si tita vicky at si vianne, si lola ching, si daddy liling at mommy dolor, ate jean, tita adel at tita sofing...

inumpisahan namin sa unang pelikula, WIMBLEDON para sa aming mga bata... sinundan ng ANAK na para sa lahat... sinundan naman ito ng THE PRINCE AND ME... at bumalik sa seryoso at isang tunay na kwentong pampamilya... TANGING YAMAN na nagpatulo ng luha ng ilang tao... nadala sila sa pelikula... at ang pangfinale... THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2: THE ROYAL ENGAGEMENT...

isang simpleng pagdiriwang ng pasko...

ngunit isang paskong hindi ko malilimutan sapagkat hindi ko alam ang mga mangyayari sa susunod na taon...

hindi ko alam kung sino ang sa susunod na taon ay hindi na namin makakasama... sana naman kumpleto na makumpleto naman kami sa susunod na taon...

sana sa pasko...

mabuo naman ang aming angkan... tulad ng aming reunion noon... masaya...

sana hindi lang ito manatiling pangarap....
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you said that night...

"hold my hand..." then you grabbed it and gave it a little squeeze...

i did not know how to respond... i was out of words... the woman that i told her i have feelings for.... which was buried in the past since she implied that we are better off as friends... and i respected that...

she held my hand till we went up the flight of stairs... then she let go when we were about to pass by her mom...

on our way down... she once again held my hand... this time tighter... she held it until we arrived at the gates of her home...

the question lingered in head... i do not know why? to matters worse... she said... "i'll explain it to you when we see each other again..."

you held my hand... i hope it did not end... i hope it was for real... but i know there are reasons behind those actions... whatever they are... i know they are justifiable...

sana... totoo ang mga iyon...

sana.....

Yesterday morning, early morning for that matter… I woke up early to be in baguio by 9 am… I left la union at around 7am… I was quite ill but I tried to make it on time… I even had a very painful headache…I tried to shrug it off just for the love of drama…

To cut the long story short… only one showed up… is this the new tingge? I was really disappointed and disheartened by the fact that out of an expected 9 people, only one showed up…

As planned,we were supposed to have another rehearsal today… but I was so disappointed with the group that I cancelled the meeting… If will have to deal with people, the one thing I hate are the false reassurances… damn I hate those…

January
• Drama festival –Pulang Damdamin
• Rose Lovely’s birthday

February
• valentine date with Lovely
• Flower Festival
• Little Flower convent outreach program

March• Love’s Gabi ng Parangal and Graduation
• Supposed last semester in Nursing

April• Lola Dolor’s Birthday
• Marvin’s Birthday
• My First summer class
• My First hospital ward duty (4 hours)

May
• My Birthday
• Capping and Pinning Ceremony

June• 3rd student nurse na ako
• New block---block A
• Outing with my former block mates from block D

July• My first actual hospital duty (8 hours)
• Mama Ping’s and Mama Akit’s Birthday

August
• My mom’s and Ate Maf’s Birthday

September
• Defense for our research

October
• Sem Break
• Pre-test of our tool at gifted learning center, dswd-san Fernando, La Union, and Ilocos Regional Hospital and Training Center—Rehab Dept
• Somebody told me I was the father of her child

November
• 2nd sem starts
• Kuya Romiel’s and Lolo Aurelio’s Birthday

December
• I wrote our one-act play—Hinagpis ni Kamatayan
• Meeting the new theater group
• Christmas Party with my high school barkada
• Jennifer’s capping
• Family reunion
• Vacation

minsan na akong nagsulat tungkol kay patricia evengelista... hindi pa gaanong katagalan iyon... ipinost ko dito yung kanyang winning piece...

ngayon, bago matapos ang taon... habang bagot na bagot ako sa pag-aantay sa pagsapit ng 2005... biglang huminto ang aking mundo nang aking madaanan sa ANC ang aking paboritong STRAIGHT TALK ni Cito Beltran... ako ay tuluyan tumayo mula sa aking pagkakahiga nang aking makita na ang kanyang panauhin ay walang iba kundi si Bb. Patricia Evangelista... hindi ko na inilipat ang istasyon... pinakinggan ko ang kanyang pagsagot sa bawat katanungang ibinabato sa kanya ni Cito...

lalo akong humanga sa dalagang ito noong kanyang ibahagi ang kanyang "borderless world"... napanganga ako... tumigil sa kanyang ginagawa ang aking kapatid... ang galing... sobra... pumalakpak pa ako noong matapos niya ito... yun ang TUNAY NA ASTIG! walang kaparis...

ang ganda niya... ang galing pa... ano pa ang hahanapin mo?

sabi nga ni CIto, "Miss Universe...."hehehehe... pwede...

sana nga kapag pumasok siya sa media, sa abs-cbn o sa anc siya para lagi ko siyang mapanood... o kahit saang istasyon pa, susubaybayan ko itong dalagang ito...

siguro kung makakahanap ako ng dalagang tulad niya.. beauty and brains who knows how to have fun, naku hindi ko na pakakawalan... sana meron akong makita... kasi bibihira ang package na ito... kadalasan kasi sold separately... parang kapag beauty ,"beauty" lang... brains, "brains" lang... fun, "fun" lang...

endangered specie na ang mga tulad niya...

tsk...tsk...tsk...
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