INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

raging_ritch

ilang linggo na ang nakararaan noong unang bumuhos ang ulan dito sa maynila... sa katunayan, reklamo ako ng reklamo ukol sa sagad-sagarang init at alinsangan ng maynila...

dinalangin kong sana ay umulan....

noong araw na iyon, ang kaibigan ng aking kapatid at kaibigan din ng kaibigan ko ang nang-iingit sa sa akin sa sa siyudad ng baguio raw ay araw-araw nang umuulan sa hapon... natural, ako ay nainggit at aking tinuran sa text... "sana dito rin umulan..."

sa hapon , madalas ay itinutulog ko na lang ang sobrang init kasi nakakatamad magkikilos... nang ako ay magising, umuulan...

sa aking  tuwa, nagsend to many ako... take note, send to many hindi groups dahil ang aking cellphone eh kasing out of style ko... hahahaha... (balik sa kwento)... nagpadala ako ng mensahe na naglalaman... "YEHEY!!! UMUULAN DITO!!" ...

walang nagreply...

sa isip-isip ko, at hanggang dun na lang... "mga punyeta kayo, minsan lang ako maging masaya dahil umulan, di niyo pa ako pinapansin... "

makalipas ang ilang minuto... tumunog ang aking cellphone... standard message alert...

pinakatitigan ko ang aking cellphone... mistulang isang nang-aakit ang mga letrang bumubuo ng " 1 Message Received"... ahahahaha...  matapos magrehistro sa aking mga nerves ang aking nabasa... pinindut ko ang aking cellphone...

"you got an answered prayer."

ako naman daw ay natuwa at ako may dumamay sa aking kaunting kasiyahan... hahahaha.... pindot ng pindot hanggang mabuo ang aking reply.... "ang sarap ng lamig... sarap matulog...."

matpos ang ilang segundo...

"oo nga... kapag umuulan, nakakalibog... gusto ko tuloy mag...."

natawa ako... hindi ko alam kung epekto ng may dumadamay sa aking kasiyahan o natawa ako ng sadya dahil sa reply...

ang aking reflex ay gumana, nagtanong... "ha? bakit?"

simple ngunit sa katotohanan... ako ay napaisip ng bahagya sa kanyang reply...

"taglibog sa panahon ng tag-ulan"

parang akong pumasok sa mundo ng matrix dahil sa dami ng ideang pumasok sa aking isipan... kaya ba may june bride kasi malamig kapag june at masarap maghoneymoon... kaya ba kapag july-august-september na panahon ng mga bagyo eh maraming batang nabubuo... kaya ba kapag december eh madami ding ikinakasal dahil katulad din ng rason ng mga june brides... masarap maghoneymoon dahil malamig... kaya ba sa baguio o tagaytay pinipiling maghonymoon ng mga bagong kasal kasi malamig at maulan... at kung anu-anu pang mga ideyang pumasok sa aking isip....

lumabas na ako sa mundo ng mala-matrix... nagkakainformation overload na aking utak....

simple din lang ang aking sagot sa kanya.... "you gave me an idea of what to write about the next time i write something on my blog.."

walang kaabog-abog na sumagot na... "glad to be of help..."

ayaw ko nang pahabain ang usapan dahil tinamad na naman ako... umupo ako sa kama... hinagilap ang aking unan... kinuha ang bolpen at papel... sinulat ko ang tulang pinamagatang "GOBILGAT"... (sa susunod ko na lang isusulat iyon... as usual, sinusumpong na ako ng aking katamaran...) 

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NOTE: 

nakakatuwang isipin na sa higit isang buwan matapos kong isulat ang "tigang na libro.." ay patuloy pa rin ang pagdagsa na mga komento ukol dito...

sa mga nag-aabang ng kung ano ang nangyari... well, they did their thing but complains are still being ventillated about not having enough...

ako man ay nabibilib sa tapang at lakas ng loob nitong si ating MYSTERIOUS GIRL...

sa ngayon... hanggang dito na lang (muna) ang aking pagkwento ukol sa buhay niya... sa mga susunod na entry, hindi ko muna babanggitin ang kanyang kwento dahil ang ganang akin eh may mas maraming kwento ng buhay ko o kwento ng buhay ng mga malapit sa akin ang mas karapat-dapat na maing paksa ng aking pagbloblog....

ngayon ko napatunayan na sa buhay ng tao, mas marami pa rin ang id dominated o ang sinasabi nilang pleasure driven...

raging_ritch

SPOILER:::::

this entry is not in anyway sexual/sensual in nature... hahahahaha

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i never questioned why you came into my life

i just did.

i never asked why you chose to stay, for now.

i am glad you did.

its been sometime since you left a mark...

in my life...

in my soul...

but there is nothing more to that...

just a stamp that you had been in my life...

for whatever reason...

i am choosing that you never leave...

but half of me hesitates...

for i dont want to dream for the rest of my life...

for i dont want to long for the rest of my life...

for i dont want to silently torture myself all my life...

for i dont want to break what is the closest thing that we can ever have...

for i dont want to be so far in such close proximity...

for i dont want to not want you...

this is the suckiest, lamest, cheesiest words

but you made me do it.

i can never share.

i dont want to share.

for from now on, everything i do is for me...

i want you... without the excess baggages...

when you are ready...

i cant promise i will be here...

raging_ritch

i know exactly where to find you...

you know as well where i stand...

i am still waiting...

waiting...

but soon, when all this is over...

i have to leave...

for now, i am not leaving without you..

raging_ritch

they said a journalist has the cravings for scoops, details and all sorts of information...

first i was a journalist who craved for information... i dug way too deep that i dug myself a very big hole that i can no longer cover... i got stuck in the depth...

then i begin to be a friend... i forgot the cues and clues that could help me with my investigation... they become my blind spot... i tend to look at stuff in a way that i would want to look at it... or according to the way they want me to look at it...

i am the person who applies my line of questioning like doing a peer counseling... when someone say something, i always try to help out... lend an ear... in short, a trusted friend... what you say will remain with me until i die not until you give me permission to let it out...

i am a bank of secrets... for one reason or another, i felt i felt like a vault of secrets that one major black-out "drunkeness", i would let it all out...

i ask too many questions.... just like a few months ago, i dug myself a bomb exploding right in my face...

the good thing though is that they trust me enough to know the truth... right from the horse's mouth like they say... 

well, i guess, this is one of my many purposes in life... keep secrets... to myself, for myself and for others...

next time, it is better not to ask... it gets me into trouble, well... just kind of... 

raging_ritch

well, it has been almost a week after i took the voluntary retake of the board exams... hay.... its been crazy all week... or say... i am close to being crazy this week... hahahaha...

first, i got new stuff... then i go back to the old stuff... weird.. the old felt safer and simpler...

second... i got friends dvd... hahahaha... seasons 3,4, 5... wooohooo... i love friends... i hope i got friends like those in friends... big crush on rachel... i can see myself in chandler and ross... hahahahaha... well, in real life, i havent got my rachel yet... but sometime, someday... i will have my own rachel and we would move in together in a 6-floor walk-up apartment.... hahahaha...

 third... i plan on getting a JOB... like a real one... i have been idle for most of my first year post graduation... hahahahha.... well, its time that i do something about that... i have no other reasons to think of why i shouldnt get on... the boards exams is over... my last reason for not having a job.... so, maybe, just maybe, i could like say, i have to wait for the results... that would delay me a few days to a few weeks more... wahahahaha...

 lastly, i have new friends left and right... yeah, some may be just for whatever but i know who i should keep and throw out... in my stay here in manila... they seem to be the newest addition on my list...   

 i receive a message today that today is friendship something... so i wrote this little thing about friendship... hahahaha... this is so lame... bwahaahahaha...

raging_ritch

note: if you read on, it is up to you... and by the way, this message from a woman friend

it all started with a text message from a friend:

From: ********

Funny hw men bcme macho when they touch girls...

And hw a wman bcme 'devalued ' when dey allow thmslvs 2 b touchd...

so when grls cry abt losing dr vrgnity 2 a man...

its as if dr vrgnty is d core of dr whle baing&ts d only ting dat dfines them...

so if a grl cries and say

'kinuha m na ang lhat lhat sa akn'

its lyk saying dat,

'ako ang puki ko'

--frm my rizal tcher... grbe cya nh? hehe

7:56pm 22-JUN-07