In order of due dates:
Print 2 Mid-Critique for Personal Assignment
Scupture 1 Final Critique Multiples Assignment
Design 2 Final Critique 100 images Assignment
Game Design and Theory - Group Game Presentation and 10-page essay
How and Why of Computing - Wikipedia Assignment
Print Media 2 Final Critique
How and Why of Computing Final Exam
Why cant I do anything
Anything for you
I say that I love you so
Still Im not see-through
Oh, my Lord why must I be
Loving me so selfishly?
Jesus died and made me whole
Yet I dont live for thee
Why cant I just listen close
Closely to your words
In one ear and out it goes
and I speak absurd
God, you pick me up again
Fallen, beaten, bruised in sin
Then I turn my back again
Doing what I choose
Lord, your glory fills the earth
More than thoughts can say
Still I spit right in your face
Still I act okay
Lover of us sinners, you
Ate and broke your bread
We deserved to live your pain
But you still died instead
.... I'm so sorry. So sorry. Why oh why do I keep hurting you?
I remember those times when I've always had my fists up ready to shut up the people who are ready to take me down. It seems so far, but I'm not that much wiser or older from where I was. I am at a point in my life where God is becoming more real in every single thing that I do. And slowly, that is transforming my fists into open palm stretched out to surrender.
I'm still making this work in my life. Everyday, God teaches me something that breaks me. He uses painful experiences, struggles within the ministries, and other people to point out what I'm doing wrong. It drains me and makes me cry so hard. Still sometimes I put my fist up until I realize I am stopping God working in me. I am preventing God to shape me to a person that I'm supposed to be.
God maybe using someone to correct me not to hurt me purposely, but to beautifully change me. I used to think that other people don't have the right to call me such and such... but they, the godly Christian people, did and they still do. Because that's when God talks to me. And God has every right to anything.
I am finally and slowly moving away from Tabulas by uploading and posting my art work somewhere else.
I'm still getting used to the change, but I can actually have more than one blog under one username w/c I find very cool. =)
Another change is actually getting my art out there... somewhere over the wires and waves? Well it's on the internet and it cannot be anymore public than that. I was pretty insecure with my skills as an artist ... w/c is why presentations are the worst. I feel like I want to hide and disappear when I show my artwork. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?! I got this gift from God for a reason... and if I keep it to myself then it wouldn't be much of a ministry. So I gotta get used to this. I have to be less sensitive about it.
So my art is finally organized. The rest of the room needs some work though. Haha!
That is a poetic way of saying, I have an extremely messy room...
My artwork is all over the floor.
I need to document and archive my art properly...
Actually I need to take care of it properly. LOL
I need a portfolio.
LOL. Yeah, Totally not blog-worthy.
3 days at New York City in February with Best friends! I am super excited!
I want Pao and Hanie to come with, too... But then Pao will be stuck with someone he doesn't know in a room. (I'm thinking Andrew from Design class, lol). What's worse is ... stuck with an instructor. Oh well. I'll bring back something for him. Matching I *heart* NY shirts for us? lol Babe if you're reading this, you've got until Thursday to make up your mind. Haha. Hanie doesn't want to spend money on a three day vacay.
So because of that I won't be getting a new computer anytime soon. It's a bit sad, but I can't have everything. lol. Plus. my Macbook still works. Maybe I'll just upgrade it since I can afford that =). I was hoping to get the new iMac 21.5 inches of sweet sweet screen. Sigh... hopefully a new shmexy one comes out next year so I feel good for waiting.
Also... my frustrations from my last blog has passed. I know, my God is great and HE answers prayers! I am thankful for such wonderful people who are willing to help me out. Thank you, Lord!
I need to rest just a bit. My head is way too busy.
I feel like I have given too much task to do at church and really, I cannot handle all of them.
Last night someone asked me, "Why are you avoiding to sing?" When I politely declined an offer to sing back-up for praise and worship at the Mississauga church. I said no not because I didn't want to, it's fun to be a back up singer. But I just had to be realistic with what I can handle.
And right now, there are SO MANY people in the church who can do the same thing I can do. They are so proud of their work and their talents! But when asked if they can use it at church, they turn it down and it may be good or bad reasons but that leaves people that are already working to do double jobs. Double jobs is equivalent to stress for most people. (Unless you're a work hog, you can have some of mine). I don't want to be stressed for the Lord. I'm sorry. I shouldn't feel this way. I should still feel joyful. Wait, I am.
I just need helpers, maybe? I need to organize. I am overwhelmed by the different ministries I'm taking. I just need to take a breather... and do it. (Oh my, and I've already ... unknowingly ... took the youth ministry for granted.)
I need to clear my head.
I miss high school.
I miss having a study mate.
Someone who will stay up with me studying.
AND KEEP ME AWAKE.
Ugh.
So tonight, coffee you're my study mate.
