INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

raging_ritch

first i found my reason to start....

now i have you as my reason to finish it...

this one is for you...

raging_ritch

galing ako sa trabaho... palabas nang muli si haring araw subalit tinatakpan siya ng makapal ng ulap... gayunpaman, ang dilim ng gabi ay napapalitan na ng liwanag...

pagdating sa aking tinutuluyang apartment, nakaramdam ako ng pangungulila, pag-iisa, lungkot at kung anu-ano pa... hindi ko malaman kung saan ito nagmumula... ayokong alamin...

nagdesisyon akong maglakad-lakad... wala namang patutunguhan pero animo'y may sariling pag-iisip ang aking mga paa... naikot ko na ang aming kanto, ang sumunod na kanto at yung susunod pang kanto at yung sumunod pa roon... siguro pinapagod ko lang sarili ko para makatulog na pag-uwi... pero pag ganito pala kaaga, medyo sariwa pa ang hangin... buti na lang umulan kagabi... malamig.. masarap maglakad...

sa susunod kong lakad, saan kaya ako mapapadpad... sana, malapit ka lang para kahit lakarin ko araw-araw, ayos lang... alam ko kung saan patutungo...

raging_ritch

ewan ko kung ano ang nagtutulak sa akin na magsulat pero sa ngayon eh hanggang sa sking pagtulog eh tumatakbo ang aking mga ideas para sa aking binubuong kwento.

siguro nga ay matagal ko na itong ipinagpaliban at panahon na para harapin itong muli... at ngayon ay tatapusin ko na... pramis...

raging_ritch

there are times when i feel that i can do it... i believed i can do it, i know i can do it but then for some reason when i am there i just can't deliver it.

talking about high expectations.... but then again my high expectations brought me to where i am now... so until my next one...

raging_ritch

two years ago, i have listed my 100 things i have to do before i die. the ones that i believe are attainable and more likely to be completed before i finally rest 6 feet under.

out of the hundred, i have completed 3 of them...

now i will list, 23 impossible goals. and everytime i have another in mind, it could always be added. basically, my 23 impossible goals will only be the foundations to my impossible dreams.

23. i will be invited to the malacanang to meet and great the president (not the current one) and have some recognition of some sort.

22. i will play a character role in a film, studio or indie

21. i will win a palanca award

20. i will win a pulitzer

19. i will write an award winning screenplay

18. i will be considered an "expert" in any nursing field

17. i will become business tycoon

16. i will be a hotshot lawyer

15. i will perform act in a theatrical production with more than 10,000 people in attendance

14. i will be a "man of the year" for time

13. my name will give with more than 20,000 page results in google/yahoo

12. i will represent the philippines in an international competition

11. i will be published as an international bestseller author

10. i will have dinner with the cast of friends,how i met your mother, grey's anatomy, smallville, kyle xy and entourage

09. i will die at the age of 101.

08. i will co-host with danny wallace

07. i will co-author with marcus zusak

06. i will have a compostion sung by an national artist

05. i will have my face on a postage stamp

04. i will be a part of the winning team of the first filipino film to be nominated and win an oscar for best foreign language film

03. i will have a star in the hollywood walk of fame (hahaha, really impossible)

02. i will be the neighbor of oprah and bill gates. (hahaha, whew, that is why this list is 23 impossible)

01. i will be able to accomplish everything on this list

this list of my impossibles will be not be forever impossible, some of which, if not all will be signed, sealed and delivered. who knows, one day i will look back and more than 75% will have eliminated from this list because i have made them possible. 

like fairy tales, it teaches us more than magic,  we slay dragons and monsters. we beat the crap out of them.

raging_ritch

"I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it"

---rent

i hate to use the word hate because it is such a heavy word. i would prefer that i just learn to love people less... and then little by little they do not matter to me anymore. i don't hate them nor do i love them... they just don't exist...

i think i should learn to put my defenses high. doubt people, but what good will that ever do? i have the tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes it pays to trust them but then again, the feeling of betrayal makes you feel stupid when that remaining benefit of the doubt crumbles. like crumbs on a newly shampooed carpet--useless, insignificant and yet very disappointing to your sight and much irritating on your bare skin. 

so like something for lease, people use you and at times you use people. like what they told me, we just use each other, some are just so crude in their ways while others are subtle.

people appear and disappear in front of us... some slowly, some sudden and unannounced... some for a brief enough that you do not notice they came and went... and those who linger,they are the hardest to let go... for some reason... in the end, we just let our paths criss-cross and then we continue on our journey...

starting and ending has parallel meanings. both start at some point where the other cease to exist and can never co-exist, law of impenetrability. 

life and everything else is just like that...

or maybe not.  

raging_ritch

i came with a warning written all over me.

 you did not take time to notice.

you messed with the wrong person.

don't blame me if you pulled my trigger.

i can assure you, the aim is on you

i will crush you.

i will make sure you are in bits in pieces

begging for mercy

in time i may  forgive you but i never will forget

you forced me into it

now suffer

in my wrathfulness

this will be my sweetest revenge

i made you will never forget who you messed with

no one ever messes with this QUITEVIS.

no one.

ever.

not in this lifetime.

if you do, gear up for the silent killer.

amidst my silence

i am working my way

to bring the biggest damaging blow

i am and will always be

your darkest and worst nightmare

pray that you won't wake up

i prepared misery in a platter for you.

enjoy the pain.

raging_ritch

of all the subjects posted in my blog the bestsellers are the ones with "sex" in it... and all related words...

hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit matapos and mahigit tatlong taon eh may mga nag-cocomment pa sa sinulat ko 3 taon mahigit ko nang sinulat. hindi ko naman sinasabing kapag lumang post na eh, wala nang kwenta, kaya naman sila ay hindi ko binubura ay sapagkat ito na ay naging bahagi na ng aking buhay... ito ang aking kwento na pilit kong sinulat....

hindi tuloy maalis sa akin na mag-isip, kapag sex talaga ang usapan, nakikinig lahat.... at kapag sex ang usapan, kahit gaano ka-luma, para pa ring bago kahit ilang ulit -ulit nang nakwento o nabasa...

 carnal desires... ginawa tayong meron niyan... sa puntong yan, wala na akong magagawa, wala na akong masasabi pa....